My First and Third Birth Story

Having gone the medical intervention route for my previous 2 labors and deliveries this pregnancy was frought with anxiety. I was apprehensive my body wouldn’t or couldn’t do what seemed so natural to everyone else and that inevitably I would end up a failure and be induced (once again) at a hospital, epidural, IV, fetal monitoring and all.

Now I stand in awe of how the Lord created women. How He ordained our bodies to work while knitting something so precious in our womb. How through such arduous labor can come such amazing joy. That I actually went through something so amazing and difficult. That my body worked.

Praise our Lord.

For the few weeks leading up to Apollos’ birth he had settled down and became quiet in the womb. My nerves had been steadily rising as my once incredibly (and painfully) active boy hardly moved throughout the day. On Wednesday the 6th, Cynthia (midwife of the Islanders) did a NST on him and it took all we could do to get him to respond. It was of her opinion to induce as much as she was able (amniotomy) as quickly as we were able.

On Thursday at 8:35p she broke my water. He was very happy about that. Contractions started almost instantly (so much Praise). They started off light and Cynthia stayed with us for the first half hour. Once I started to feel them more she left to get the birthing center warmed up (again, so much Praise it was a cool day and not 100 degrees!). We tried to watch Burn Notice (go TV espionage!) but half way through the contractions became tense enough that I needed to concentrate and we decided to pack up and head there right away to avoid driving during transition (again, Praise God).

We got to the birth center at about 11p. Contractions were every 5 minutes and lasted over a minute. I used the birth ball which helped for a short while. Once transition started I jumped in the shower, again, for only a short while. I couldn’t stand during the contractions so we cut the shower shorter than I wanted and knelt beside the bed. It was such a wonderful experience to be kneeling and praying that the Lord would get me through each contraction as they intensely washed over me. Though it felt like forever, after 10 minutes I went into the birthing tub.

Everyone talks about the “urge to push” and really – I didn’t know what that was or what to expect. I didn’t expect the “urge” to be a “youwillpushandyouwilllike it” feeling. There wasn’t an “urge”, my body simply did. I was so taken off guard at first all I could say was “wow”. Didn’t expect that.

Again, the pushing felt like forever and the last push took everything I had in me to do but once he was out all the pain stopped. The world stopped. I saw I had another son and it was the most wonderful experience in my life. The flood of hormones was so intense and encompassing that I couldn’t not just stare at this little person and feel overwhelming love and joy. Hello Apollos.

He didn’t cry at all. Not one peep. He came out quiet and alert, scanning our faces and routing for food. Cynthia tried to get him to make a noise but he refused (thus failing his APGAR for Respitory). Mike and I just sat in the tub with him for an hour. Looking at his unfamiliar features, making sure he did not have a bald spot (he doesn’t), praying that the Lord would give us a name for this amazing man. It was such a precious time.

The Lord put the name Apollos on our hearts earlier in the day after reading Acts 18 and after meeting him it was confirmed to us through prayer and petition. We pray he would speak in the Spirit about Christ confidently and be a vessel to water those the Lord assigns to believe.

Acts 18:24-28 
Meanwhile a Jew named Apollos, a native of Alexandria, came to Ephesus. He was a learned man, with a thorough knowledge of the Scriptures. He had been instructed in the way of the Lord, and he spoke with great fervor [of the Spirit] and taught about Jesus accurately, though he knew only the baptism of John. He began to speak boldly in the synagogue. When Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they invited him to their home and explained to him the way of God more adequately.

When Apollos wanted to go to Achaia, the brothers encouraged him and wrote to the disciples there to welcome him. On arriving, he was a great help to those who by grace had believed. For he vigorously refuted the Jews in public debate, proving from the Scriptures that Jesus was the Christ.

1 Corinthians 3:1-9
Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men? For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere men?

What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building.

My labor was amazing. I praise the Lord for His great mercy on me and on Apollos. The timing was His and we are so blessed to have our new son with us now. Cynthia was very wise to induce me when she did for when the placenta came out it was completely calcified on “my” side and very aged (thus the quieting down of him due to lack of oxygen to his brain). Waiting longer could have been detrimental to his health or even fatal. I am so thankful for a midwife who took my concerns seriously and in her wisdom decided to take action.

Praise God

Apollos Van Noy Nelson

I know it’s been a fair bit since I last updated and believe me, tons have happened since then, but nothing bigger than the birth of our third son, Apollos.

He was born at 12:47a on August 7th after a mere 3 1/2 hours of labor (only 1 1/2-2 of that being active labor).

I was able to have a water birth at the Greenbank Birth Center and absolutely loved it. His birth was one of the best experiences I have ever had. While I loved my previous two labors, they just can’t compare to my labor with Apollos. It is like comparing a penny to an apple, it just doesn’t work.

Breastfeeding went south real quick. It was very reminiscent of my breastfeeding experience with Boaz. Loss of weight, more loss of weight, supplement, supply crash. Even though my beloved midwife was a wonderful advocate and gave me several amazing alternatives to immediate bottle feeding, nothing worked out. I have mourned the loss of that special bond and relationship but ultimately have peace with it. He has finally gotten back up to birth weight (8 lbs 3 oz) and I am happy he is finally being fed.

Everyone keeps asking me how he compares to the older boys and my thoughts are the following:

• He looks almost exactly like Boaz did at this age. Round face, big eyes, small lips.
• His personality is calmer than my other children by 199234778364%. He is a happy, quiet, calm baby. He doesn’t cry often. He eats well and when he’s full he just looks around. He’s very observant. He will furrow his eye brows which makes me wonder what he’s thinking about and why he’s already so serious.
• He sleeps like a champ and will fall asleep on his own at night. During the day he has a bit more trouble but I am guessing that’s because of the loud chaos that is our home. When he sleeps he usually goes down for 2-4 hours at a time, only waking twice at night.

His brothers love him so dearly. Boaz is the official baby-burper and will wake up in the morning asking to hug Apollos. Gideon cannot kiss him enough and will usually do fly-by kisses when I am feeding Apollos on the couch. Gideon’s personality changed over night when he became a big brother. Here I was absolutely nervous my very physical, rough Gideon would maul the baby at first sight and instead he immediately took to being his protector. It was a breath taking transition.

I have taken to being a mom of three well. It isn’t nearly as hard as I was anticipating, I’m sure much of that has to do with our living situation and our dear friends bringing us meals. 3 weeks in I haven’t had to cook once I don’t know what I am going to do when I have to actually start cooking for everyone! I find that I have infinitely less free time and have to make sure I am always on top of things, but oh how I love our life. I enjoy the boys so deeply and am so fulfilled by my family.

For those who haven’t friended me on facebook, I will post my birth story later! For now, I have several kids to tend too!

My Husband the Father

I am passionately, enthusiastically, and lustfully enamored with my husband. He is a great God-fearing man, a very hard working provider and a wonderful father. I am so grateful the Lord has allowed us to work through life as parents together and in doing so, allowed us to know Him more intimately in a glorious partnership that we pray will exhault Him as our perfect Father.

Michael is a good father because:

• He never misses an opportunity to enjoy and love on the boys. After tirelessly working hard to provide for us, he comes home and excitedly plays with and entertains the kids. He lovingly does their night-time routine and hates missing out on it when he has to stay over town or work late. They are his priority.
• He is gleefully excited about 3.0 and loves to engage me in pregnancy talk, hopes and aspirations and fun games of yelling into my belly.
• He always has the boys’ salvation in mind first and foremost before their happiness.
• He thinks about Pastoring the boys theologically and is preparing for tough discussions of predestination vs. free will, pre-millennial dispensationalism and existential hermeneutics. He excitedly preaches the Gospel to them in whatever toddler-speak they can understand.
• He diligently contends for the boys in prayer and always reminds me to do the same.  
• He has wept over raising his voice to them and asked their forgiveness afterward.
• He covers the boys with Scripture and is always thinking about the next book to read to them and how he can apply what they are covering in our daily life  
• He will roll around with them on the ground, wrestle with them, give endless piggy back rides and read them the same book as many times as they ask. He is a fountain of patience and endurance.
• Never once has he came home and ‘vegged’ nor does he complain about not having ‘him-time’. He has put to death any hobbies that do not edify our family and is always thinking of new ways to grow in the Lord together.

Happy Father’s Day Husband. We love you and are blessed by you.

Boaz and Gideon; 16 and 29 Months

The boys are often doing little things that I find hugely entertaining. Whether it’s eating a strawberry in a weird creepy zombie fashion or making a face that will inevitably get dozens of kisses, I am enamored with their blossoming personalities.

Boaz has several Boaz-isms that I find endless joy in; be it the manner in which he says a phrase or the phrase itself. He just has really funny nomenclature. Cake really means carrot. Chips mean cucumbers. Pancakes are ‘Cold Bread’. Everything that you pour on, have as a side or dip in is simply called ‘dip’. He also calls my hair accessories dip. I haven’t quite figured that one out yet. He loves to mimic the noises of large vehicles. All motorcycles are “Uncle’s Bike!” and all trucks are “Uncle’s Truck!”.

He is very authoritative. He will tell you what to do if you are doing something not in our daily routine. For instance, when Aaron comes home he gives Boaz the mail to give to me. Now every time Aaron comes in the door Boaz yells to him ”Hey you mail box!”. God help us if we don’t get mail that day. He also has been telling me to clean up more. When something gets dirty he comes to me and says “clean up mama!” Don’t get me wrong, he always helps (or is at least willing though some messes do not require a 2 year old’s expertise) but we are working on being polite nevertheless.

I am astounded to see the natural inclination of headship in a toddler.

Gideon already has the humor of a teenage boy and will laugh whenever someone falls down, gets hit or throws something that hits something else. I am anticipating many fart jokes in my future. He is naturally very athletic. He can catch balls, throw and kick very very well. The first time he caught a ball I was amazed. That is something Boaz still cannot do. I have loved seeing his athleticism develop and to have been able to recognize this from birth.

He has the goofiest grin I’ve ever seen and loves to show it off. He absolutely demands attention and is a total cuddle-bug. He usually doesn’t need me to entertain him or play with him, but he does require me to be available for him to run to whenever the mood strikes him. A lot of times I get a hug-and-run or he’ll sit on my lap for 20 seconds and hop down (just to come running back after a few minutes). He is very affectionate and, like Michael, his love language is very much touch.

When he gets in trouble or when he doesn’t get what he wants, he does this crazy ostrich thing and bends over onto his head. I have no idea when he started doing that or WHY he started doing that but it makes taking his tantrums serious impossible.

Gideon has a couple new words, including “no”. Or rather “nOOOOOOhhh”. He doesn’t say it in a “I’m going to talk back” sort of way, just in a “I shouldn’t be doing this and I will let everyone know I shouldn’t be doing this, but will continue doing this” sort of way. He will thank you if you give him something although the words sound more like “tee-too” than ‘Thank You’.

He is currently teething every tooth he has left (which is 8). All molars and cuspids are currently coming in – in a horrible bloody, swollen riot in his mouth. While Boaz teethed in a 7 month explosion (and was done by 14 months), never once have we experienced teething like this. Boaz never had more than 4 teeth come in at a time (and I thought THAT was bad). All considered, Gideon is fairing amazingly well. He has an affinity to bite anything that gets close to his mouth (be warned) but other than that, he doesn’t seem too put out. He’s a much stronger person than I.

Gideon Loves 3.0

When I was pregnant with Gideon I got a very sweet pictures of a 7 month old Boaz hugging my belly. I have wanted to try to get one of  my 15 month old Gideon lovin’ the mound but have been a. lazy and b. unable to get my 50mm lens to cooperate. After switching my 50mm to a 18-55mm I was able to get him in action, smothering my belly.

32 weeks my friends

First ER Visit

I suppose this was bound to happen having two very rambunctious boys but it hadn’t happened yet and I wasn’t prepared for it to happen yesterday.

Actually, in the two-and-a-half years of having children, we’ve only had “emergencies” twice. The first when we realized Boaz was allergic to shellfish (call to ER, then very quick drive to Albertsons for Benadryl) the second is when I walked in on Gideon eating insulation he could reach from his crib (call to poison control – insulation is not poisonous to eat).  

This was much much worse.

It was a normal day. The boys were running through the house screaming. I was washing the two sink fulls of dishes. I smiled when I saw Boaz running out of the kitchen. I frowned when I heard a THUNK then a scream. In the time it took for me to get to him (5-feet) there was a little blue line on his forehead. When I hugged him it was a bit swollen. When I looked at him again it had swelled to the size of an orange and was a violent purple/red color.

Having watched one to many CSI episodes I was positive he fractured his skull and was bleeding internally. Because our ER is 30-40 minutes away, I was sure it was going to explode in some gross horror movie fashion and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

Hysterical? Oh yea.

I grabbed my phone and called Auntie Rachel and in my incoherent hysteria told her I needed a ride to the hospital. She didn’t understand anything I said (though she had some hilarious renditions of what she thought I said!) but came as fast as she could (I love her). As I threw clothes on the boys as fast as I was able she called back to get a better idea of what she was walking into. Once she had enough information she  got child care for Gideon, called Uncle Aaron, and called the clinic. Did I mention I lover her? Me? I was crying through the house, packing diapers, snacks, water bottles, and trying to console Boaz. Not the picture of calm. (Consequently, also not the picture of consoling. Boaz ended up patting my shoulder saying “It’s ok mama. It’s ok.”)

At some point I texted Michael and Mom and again, left out big parts of the situation. Michael thought I was in labor. Mom thought something happened to Gideon. Apparently I can’t communicate efficiantely when my son’s head looks like it is going to explode.

We quickly pack the boys into Rachel’s car, drop off the Gid at a beloved friend’s house and drove 30 minutes to the ER (we made great time!). Thankfully, we were the first ones in triage and got right in. Boaz was completely collected except for when the nurse weighed him. He didn’t like that part.

We spent the next two and a half hours waiting to be seen by the doctor.

It was a lot of fun. We played games with an ice pack the nurse gave us. He learned new body-parts (femur, iliac crest, and ankle). He entertained all the nurses that came by yelling at them “Hey You!”. I made a mental note of teaching him a more polite greeting at a later date. One nurse took a particular fancy to him and gave him two stuffed animals; a skunk and a bear with an ugly hat. Boaz, of course, loved the hat. He tucked the animals into the bed we were sitting on and had them give me tons of kisses. We sang songs and I rocked him for a while. It was very nice.

The first doctor to see Boaz (Dr. Chip) was wonderful. He made games out of putting the light in his eye and looking in his ear. Boaz thought he was hilarious and was unusually warm to him. He didn’t like the stethescope but allowed Dr. Chip to listen to his heart anyways. I was so thankful for that doctor. The second doctor to see us was not so personable. He spoke very fast and was not as friendly.

The prognosis? A bruise.

I laughed. How thankful am I that our first ER visit could end so gloriously. He’s fine and by proxy, I’m fine. On the way home Rachel and I laughed and made jokes. It was a great ride home.

My mom came over and brought us dinner so we could relax. She played with the boys and cleaned up when she thought I wasn’t looking. I was able to collect myself and had a great evening with family and friends.

Yesterday was a good day. Not good because my son hurt himself but good because we are surrounded by people who care for us and continually show the Glory of our Savior by loving well. Rachel, who was infinitely more together than I, tied up every lose end possible. If I had a vehicle and were able to drive myself to the ER, I am certain I would have ran out of the house, boys in their pajamas, without my purse, their diaper bag and would have ended up taking Gideon with me where he would have had to wait for two and a half hours for Boaz to be seen. The day would have been hell.

I am often saddened that the boys’ don’t have more family living close to us but yesterday I was reminded that they do have family all around them. Praise God.

A Little Dose of Gideon

If you haven’t been so blessed as to meet the Gideon, these pictures should fill you in on what you’re missing.

Abundantly Full

is my heart.

This season as been so good to us. Not just refining our desires or teaching us how to steward well, but it also showed us community in a way we had never seen it before.

Island living truly is something else. There are times I am reminded of a 1950’s novel or perhaps a foreign country (at least that is what it feels like when you go come from Seattle). So many people gathered around us and walked with us through this mire that I am overwhelmed with emotion.

Being a navy brat truly gave me a skewed view of relationships. I was not able to invest in any particular person for any length of time so I grew up feeling normalcy in empty friendships. I believe that produce a callous nature in me. I am fairly unsympathetic and it takes great effort for me to pursue a person.

The Lord has been weeding that out of me for half a decade now but there are still many seasons I feel myself withdrawing from those He’s put around me.

The Island serves as an example as to what I was missing out on.

We have strangers and estranged friends pour into us graciously and generously. Our closest friends have been a true comfort to us and a pivotal support. The Church we have started attending here overwhelmed us with Christs’ love as they prayed over us and offered themselves up to us. Our beloved Church Home Mars Hill also covered us with love, prayer and fellowship.

How deep the Father’s Love for us…

The other day was a good day. It started off well, Mike went to his job, came home and showed off his first pay check in 8 weeks. We are so very thankful for the temporary work given to Mike and truly feel as if the paycheck is a gift. When I opened up the mail to see someone had sent us a Safeway gift card, it was almost too much to bear. I must have cried for a solid hour (I don’t think I can blame pregnancy hormones this time). We are in awe of the love poured out on us. We are just amazed at how well taken care of we are and how the Lord continually confuses us with how full our joy is in this very hard season.

Yesterday we got the phone call. We have been praying about this call for almost 9 weeks. It was the call that would lead us back into permanent employment or at least as permanent as tiling is. Oh how our hearts have changed. We are thankful but not expectant. If this job lasts a week, we will be thankful for that time given to us. If it lasts six months, we will be thankful for that time given to us.

In every circumstance we praise Him. We praise Him for the people He’s put into our lives and how they have forever changed how we view community. We praise Him that He heard and answered our prayers in ways we could not fathom. We praise Him for the continued work He is doing in us. We praise Him for permanent, temporary, part and full time work. We praise Him for you.

Boyling (and 3.0) Update

It’s been a while since I was able to update about the boys’ progress and they have seemed to each change so drastically these past few months I don’t know where to start!

Boaz is a talker. He likes to explain things as they are. Give you the facts of life. “Auntie is home.” “Uncle is working.” “Momma is crocheting.” He will point to each person to show you where they are and nod very dramatically so you understand this is srs bsns. He likes to give the play-by-play of what you are doing and repeat it and have you repeat it back to him. He is nothing if not thorough. “Momma is cooking. Momma is cooking [insert food]. [Food] is for [dinner, lunch, breakfast].” He is very proud of his verbal skills and it’s very imporant to him that you understand what is going on. I think this is because he is so sensitive to change and likes to be told exactly what is going to happen so he can mentally prepare for whatever is going to take place.

He also has developed a space-issue. Well, not really ‘developed’, he’s always had one, but lately Gideon has been intruding on his space and Boaz is not fond of that at all. Boaz is very much like me. I have a bubble and most of the time, I don’t want anyone in it. Gideon is very much like Michael. He loves getting as close to someone as possible and does’t understand ‘me-space’.

We are trying to figure out a disciplinary method for Boaz in a trial and error sort of way. He’s much more emotional than he was just a few months ago and has a hard time focusing and retaining an obedient heart. This is probably normative toddlerhood but it is a new thing for us! We are desperate to not be reactionary to just punish the crime but to get to his heart and destroy the root of the disobeidence and that process is quite long and draining. More so when we go through the process only to have him lash out right after we finished! We are thankful for the encouraging words we were given from much wiser parents who reminded us that in our consistency we are storing up our reward. He may not ‘get it’ now, or even in a year, but eventually we will see fruit from our hard work. Knowing that, knowing every incident and sin and offense is an opportunity to get to his soul and show him the love of Christ pushes me forward and gives me endurance.

Gideon has grown into quite the charming man. His personality has blossomed and all of a sudden I feel like this little guy opened another part of himself up to us. Unlike Boaz, Gideon is a total ham. He loves smiling and making people laugh with his weird faces or actions and adores the attention. He loves chasing games (where you chase him) and having someone throw a ball so he can retrieve it. He is very physical (as he has always been). He is fairly laid back and doesn’t mind if his big brother takes his toy or book from him. He normally just goes and grabs something else which makes trying to teach Boaz how to share hard since the offended isn’t that offended. He loves wrestling around with Boaz (which again, makes teaching Boaz how to be gentle hard when Gideon is laughing when he gets squished or sat on).

He is talking more which is exciting. He has a very loud voice and usually amplifies it by screaming. He added Un-gle[sic]and Amen to his verbal repertoire. We think Boaz taught him Uncle because Gideon doesn’t really know what it means – just that we all get a kick out of it when he yells it So he will go through the house yelling “UN-GLE, UN-GLE, UN-GLE” all the while opening his mouth at big as it gets and not closing it. That may be something I have to get on film.

3.0 is growing well, way beyond active (holy cow!) and seems very content. Michael has woken up in the middle of the night to the thumps coming from my belly. This little one is a monster. He stays up most of the night doing the conga and sleeps most of the day. I am assuming his first few weeks of life are going to be hell as we try to get his days and nights straight.

I am very excited because my milk has started to come in (this didn’t happen with Boaz or Gideon until post-partum). I am hoping that means my body will be prepared to feed this little one well and have been praying breastfeeding goes better this time. Not that it went bad perse with Gideon, but feeding every 45 minutes-an hour for 6 months did eventually wear on me.

I have gained -11 lbs (lost 22, gained 11 back) . I am hoping to end this pregnancy at the same weight I began it I am excited for my non-pregnancy season we are approaching. It is so enjoyable to be energized and limber and not weighed down by a little person kickin’ it in my womb. I am by no means rushing through this last trimester or resenting it, I am just excited for the next season as well as excited for the remainder of this one.

I am happier this time around I believe. My body is responding better and I am assuming that’s because 3.0 isn’t the ginormo baby Gideon was. I am still needlessly and relentlessly hormonal but Michael has been such a rock for me and covers me with dignity when I cry over doing the dishes.

The Weak and The Boastful

1 Corinthians 4:6,7

Now, brothers, I have applied these things to myself and Apollos for your benefit, so that you may learn from us the meaning of the saying, “Do not go beyond what is written.” Then you will not take pride in one man over against another. For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?

At the end of March Michael and I did our tally of how much debt we have eliminated since we decided to go hard and get ‘er done. It was a whooping 25% of our total debt. Gone. We were excited, boastful, proud and accomplished. We have been married coming up to 5 years and since the beginning we have been working on our debt ‘problem’, before these past 6 months, we had probably only eliminated 25% total! You can imagine how ecstatic we were that we accomplished the same thing in a fraction of the time.

I was going to blog about it [haughty in spirit] but not the next week Mike was laid off of work.

Several things happened almost simultaneously.

• We were told the layoff would only be for less than 2 weeks.
• We had confirmation that unemployment would take care of us.
• We had a significant savings (comparatively) to get us through 3 weeks.

Those are the facts. This is how our hearts took it:

• We don’t have to live frugally because we have savings, will have unemployment and this will be a very short layoff.
• We can do all the extravagant things we want to because we will have extra money.
• We are doing so well we don’t need to live tightly.

And now this is what happened:

• No job came.
• No unemployment came.
• We ate through our savings in the allotted time (3 weeks).
• God smacked us in the back of the head with humility, regret, repentance and mourning.

Mike went 7 and a half weeks with no work. I had moments of frantic anxiety, depression and shame. How I frustrate myself. In hind sight we saw how our hearts were changing. Our burning desire to get out of debt tapered off and while we were still paying things off in huge chunks, we also started fudging the budget. Spending more on groceries, not being diligent with ferry fare, buying books (stupid Twilight) and DVD’s, not really worrying about where our money was going because we felt accomplished enough with how fast we were eliminating debt. Now, let’s not be confused. Those things are fine in and of themselves but our hearts had grown lazy and apathetic.

I had a saying which I would confess to Rachel every few months, “we can’t live on less!” When we first moved to the Island Mike was making almost a thousand dollars a month more than he ended up making in March. Each pay-cut I would go over the numbers and say “We can’t do less! I’ve cut everything out!” How foolish.

For the past 4 weeks, we have lived on nothing and the Lord has shown it is He alone who will provide. That all comes from Him and if we are to boast, we are to boast in the Lord. O’ and how sweet His blessed providence is. He has shown His hand in both miraculous and practical ways and allowed my heart to cherish all that He has given me in the perfect time He gives it.

Pride. I have been battling pride since day one of my conversion. Pride that is autonomous and does not like to be told how to live. We were not recognizing what the Lord was doing. Well – let me qualify. We were, verbally, but we kept part of our deeds for our own glory. We weren’t submitting to the Lord or drawing nearer to Him so that He would have all the Glory with these financial accomplishments.

James 4:13-17 

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins. 

Pride which was unbelief in the sovereignty of God in the details of my life. It is the sovereignty of God that kept Michael from work. It is the sovereignty of God that kept unemployment from happening. We took away God’s sovereignty when we relied on what was yet to come. How glorious is He that He has shown us to cherish, rest and be satisfied in Him and Him alone.

There is a quote from Fredrick Von Hayek I heard recently that I can’t quit dwelling over. “We shall not grow wiser before we learn that much that we have done was very foolish.”

I want to say that this lesson was learned. The experience of these past months has been heavy but not burdensome. Learing to do without to an impoverish extent was amazingly. Learning how to receive from others was a blessing. Being given a heart that aches to give back and to show the Glory of God is humbling.

How are we now? Very well. Unemployment will have their hearing next week but we are peaceful about their decision either way. Some amazing friends hooked Michael up with both a temporary full-time and a permanent part-time job this week. We are not worried about what will happen after the full-time job ends for our gratitude of any work is overwhelming. We are not worried about what we will eat because the Lord has proved His providence again and again.

How is my heart? Full. Last night we were given groceries and it was an answer to a prayer I never prayed. I thought about praying for food. I even went through our pantry wishing I had some cream of mushroom soup (that may sound weird to you, but I am still having pregnancy cravings and all day I kept salivating at the thought of cream of mushroom soup).  I didn’t pray for food because I was not worried about eating. I didn’t pray because I feel we have been given an abundance through the food bank and neighbors and my parents (who contributed yummy costco pears!). I have lost all picky-ness I had with eating. I don’t care if it’s instant, in a can, ready to eat and full of preservatives – I am thankful for all that we have. Last night was such a blessed confirmation that my heart was in the right place because Michael showed up with several bags of groceries from the same friend who got him a job and my two treasured cans of cream of mushroom soup were in there. I cried like I won prom queen.

I am excited about what the Lord has done and is doing in me. I pray He will increase my faith and grow in me a heart that desires nothing more than to seek after Him.