1 Corinthians 4:6,7

Now, brothers, I have applied these things to myself and Apollos for your benefit, so that you may learn from us the meaning of the saying, “Do not go beyond what is written.” Then you will not take pride in one man over against another. For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?

At the end of March Michael and I did our tally of how much debt we have eliminated since we decided to go hard and get ‘er done. It was a whooping 25% of our total debt. Gone. We were excited, boastful, proud and accomplished. We have been married coming up to 5 years and since the beginning we have been working on our debt ‘problem’, before these past 6 months, we had probably only eliminated 25% total! You can imagine how ecstatic we were that we accomplished the same thing in a fraction of the time.

I was going to blog about it [haughty in spirit] but not the next week Mike was laid off of work.

Several things happened almost simultaneously.

• We were told the layoff would only be for less than 2 weeks.
• We had confirmation that unemployment would take care of us.
• We had a significant savings (comparatively) to get us through 3 weeks.

Those are the facts. This is how our hearts took it:

• We don’t have to live frugally because we have savings, will have unemployment and this will be a very short layoff.
• We can do all the extravagant things we want to because we will have extra money.
• We are doing so well we don’t need to live tightly.

And now this is what happened:

• No job came.
• No unemployment came.
• We ate through our savings in the allotted time (3 weeks).
• God smacked us in the back of the head with humility, regret, repentance and mourning.

Mike went 7 and a half weeks with no work. I had moments of frantic anxiety, depression and shame. How I frustrate myself. In hind sight we saw how our hearts were changing. Our burning desire to get out of debt tapered off and while we were still paying things off in huge chunks, we also started fudging the budget. Spending more on groceries, not being diligent with ferry fare, buying books (stupid Twilight) and DVD’s, not really worrying about where our money was going because we felt accomplished enough with how fast we were eliminating debt. Now, let’s not be confused. Those things are fine in and of themselves but our hearts had grown lazy and apathetic.

I had a saying which I would confess to Rachel every few months, “we can’t live on less!” When we first moved to the Island Mike was making almost a thousand dollars a month more than he ended up making in March. Each pay-cut I would go over the numbers and say “We can’t do less! I’ve cut everything out!” How foolish.

For the past 4 weeks, we have lived on nothing and the Lord has shown it is He alone who will provide. That all comes from Him and if we are to boast, we are to boast in the Lord. O’ and how sweet His blessed providence is. He has shown His hand in both miraculous and practical ways and allowed my heart to cherish all that He has given me in the perfect time He gives it.

Pride. I have been battling pride since day one of my conversion. Pride that is autonomous and does not like to be told how to live. We were not recognizing what the Lord was doing. Well – let me qualify. We were, verbally, but we kept part of our deeds for our own glory. We weren’t submitting to the Lord or drawing nearer to Him so that He would have all the Glory with these financial accomplishments.

James 4:13-17 

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins. 

Pride which was unbelief in the sovereignty of God in the details of my life. It is the sovereignty of God that kept Michael from work. It is the sovereignty of God that kept unemployment from happening. We took away God’s sovereignty when we relied on what was yet to come. How glorious is He that He has shown us to cherish, rest and be satisfied in Him and Him alone.

There is a quote from Fredrick Von Hayek I heard recently that I can’t quit dwelling over. “We shall not grow wiser before we learn that much that we have done was very foolish.”

I want to say that this lesson was learned. The experience of these past months has been heavy but not burdensome. Learing to do without to an impoverish extent was amazingly. Learning how to receive from others was a blessing. Being given a heart that aches to give back and to show the Glory of God is humbling.

How are we now? Very well. Unemployment will have their hearing next week but we are peaceful about their decision either way. Some amazing friends hooked Michael up with both a temporary full-time and a permanent part-time job this week. We are not worried about what will happen after the full-time job ends for our gratitude of any work is overwhelming. We are not worried about what we will eat because the Lord has proved His providence again and again.

How is my heart? Full. Last night we were given groceries and it was an answer to a prayer I never prayed. I thought about praying for food. I even went through our pantry wishing I had some cream of mushroom soup (that may sound weird to you, but I am still having pregnancy cravings and all day I kept salivating at the thought of cream of mushroom soup).  I didn’t pray for food because I was not worried about eating. I didn’t pray because I feel we have been given an abundance through the food bank and neighbors and my parents (who contributed yummy costco pears!). I have lost all picky-ness I had with eating. I don’t care if it’s instant, in a can, ready to eat and full of preservatives – I am thankful for all that we have. Last night was such a blessed confirmation that my heart was in the right place because Michael showed up with several bags of groceries from the same friend who got him a job and my two treasured cans of cream of mushroom soup were in there. I cried like I won prom queen.

I am excited about what the Lord has done and is doing in me. I pray He will increase my faith and grow in me a heart that desires nothing more than to seek after Him.